I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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