I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
