so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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