Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
