There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
