The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
