on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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