maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't turn off my feet"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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