for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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