i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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