He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
