The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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