I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
