And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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