Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
