he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
