Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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