you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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