every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
