your room smells of hookers.
And success
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
