4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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