this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
