Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
