I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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