sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
