omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
