her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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