do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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