If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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