Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
