You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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