Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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