You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
