he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
