I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your cock deserves a montage
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
