How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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