Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
