think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
