..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize