Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
