I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
