ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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