i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
