I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
