The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize