dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
