My balls are so social today.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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