Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
