Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize