What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
