did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pants are for mortals
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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