Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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