shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
