When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize