He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
