I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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