dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
