Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
