oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Houston, we have a blender
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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