her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
