Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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