I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
