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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
