He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
