I love black thongs
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
