Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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