I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize