god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
