im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize