Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
