You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize