The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
