it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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