I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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