Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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