Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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