So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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