Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
