I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
