I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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