that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
