I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
