the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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