Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
