If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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