wat bout pragnant strippers??
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
