i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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