I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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