Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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