be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
