Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want nice things and good sex
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
