woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
