i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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