Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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