think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
